A visual aid to the forthcoming story provided by Eric Conveys an Emotion:
One day at young writers’ camp, my friend Seth, who had just the night before been prescribed some incredibly strong decongestants for a stubborn cold, stumbled into breakfast with a well-bandaged hand.
“Seth!” I said, “what’s with the hand?”
“I punched myself in the mirror.”
“What? Why?”
“I don’t know. I just saw myself in the mirror and thought, ‘That [expletive deleted] deserves it.’”
I don’t know if Seth still writes — I hope that he does, as he was an incredibly talented writer — but, if he does, I’m fairly sure that he’d agree that this is an accurate description not just of decongestant-fueled teenage angst but also of the feeling one typically gets after receiving a certain number of rejection slips in a week. Say, eight. Five if it’s a bad week otherwise. But definitely eight.
Lately, however, I’ve been getting a very strange new type of slip — the it’s not you, it’s me rejection.

Take, for instance, the e-mail I received about a residency I’d applied for — a “dear applicant” (like “Dear John?”) letter explaining that the residency program was shut down completely, due to insufficient funding. This is, of course, depressing on a great many levels, mostly because it brings to mind how difficult it is for any arts organization to barely survive, much less thrive, nowadays.
And this brings to mind my second it’s not you it’s me rejection, this one from the New Review of Literature. It seems that, due to a variety of circumstances, including the collapse of its primary distributor, this very fine literary magazine is ceasing publication with its Spring 2008 issue. Though this is incredibly depressing, the editor’s (Paul Vangelisti’s) response to the situation is nothing less than inspiring. Enclosed with the rejection was a manifesto of sorts, published as an editorial in the Spring issue, bewailing the fact that “the current publishing and literary scene appear[s] dire, impoverished, and hopelessly conformist and institutionalized,” and sounding an alarm about “the need for action, for a departure from previous modes of production and distribution.” Their action? A bi-annual review of literature to be published and distributed free of charge, aptly titled or. What’s more exciting than people with the passion to innovate, to recreate the way we read and receive poetry? The editors ask that you write for a copy. I already have.
I received a third it’s not you, it’s me rejection, but this one stirred me to quite a bit of thought, and I think it best to reserve an entire entry for it. Plus, I’m excited to start thinking about tomorrow’s NaPoWriMo poem, and, perhaps, do a little tinkering on my last SECRET NaPoWriMo post.
Whenever I think, say, or hear the word “SECRET,” incidentally, I cannot help but think, say, or hear it the way it’s pronounced in the Conan O’Brien skit.

Emma Bolden is the author of How To Recognize A Lady, a chapbook of poems published as part of Edge by Edge, the third in Toadlily Press' Quartet Series, and The Mariner's Wife, a chapbook published by Finishing Line Press. Her third chapbook, The Sad Epistles, is forthcoming from Dancing Girl Press. She was the recipient of a Tennessee Williams Scholarship to the Sewanee Writers' Conference and was named a Finalist for a Ruth Lilly Fellowship by the Poetry Foundation/Poetry magazine. Her work has been published or is forthcoming in such journals as Prairie Schooner, the Indiana Review, Feminist Studies, The Journal, Redivider, The Greensboro Review, and Verse. Her manuscript was a semi-finalist for the Perugia Press Prize. She is a Visiting Assistant Professor of English at Georgetown College, where she also serves as the poetry editor of the Georgetown Review.



7 comments
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April 2, 2008 at 5:03 am
didyousayhername
I have chills now, you know. Your blog title is from my MOST FAVORITE ANNE SEXTON POEM EVER.
On a less “all caps” note, I do feel that you and I need to have a serious talk (wow, that sounds very foreboding, though I certainly don’t mean for it to sound that way) — or, rather, an in-depth discussion — about the survival difficulties of arts organizations.
And that is all for tonight, for SECRETS have exhausted me.
April 2, 2008 at 2:17 pm
emmabolden
YAY ANNE SEXTON!!! I was trying to think of a break-up poem, and that flitted through my brain, and I thought, well, now I can’t possibly NOT use that poem.
Yes, indeedy, we should definitely have a Very. Serious. Talk. about this.
SECRETS are more exhausting than they should be, no?
I think I’ve settled on “somewhere i’ve never traveled.” The other poem? Haven’t yet decided. I think I might have to balance that out with some Sylvia or Anne.
April 2, 2008 at 4:01 pm
mariegauthier
It’s as if all the literary joints are emptying out their rafters, how the rejections are streaming in…. Thankfully, we do have NaPoWriMo to keep us busy, secretly in your case, or quasi-busy in my partly-committed case…
April 3, 2008 at 10:36 am
mariegauthier
Strange long trips: someone found my blog because s/he typed the following words into a search engine: “emma bolden secret napowrimo”.
I kid you not.
April 3, 2008 at 4:22 pm
emmabolden
Marie — tell me about the rejections. My goodness! Enough to wallpaper a not-small bathroom, in my case.
Secondly: um, CREEPY! CREEPY! Plus, would I REALLY use my real name on my SECRET NaPoWriMo blog?! Awful, awful, and, yes, CREEPY!
April 4, 2008 at 3:30 pm
jessiecarty
I print revisions on the back of my rejection slips
One of my cats thinks the pile is her personal place to sleep!
April 4, 2008 at 10:46 pm
williamhwandless
Speaking of creepy: hiya!
I am, alas, the worst cyberstalker ever, but what I lack in skill I make up for in Googly diligence. I will at some point scold you roundly and diagonally for not telling me of the imminent awesome that is The Mariner’s Wife, but in the interim I will bask in the bloggified Bolden. And alliterate. And be grateful that I didn’t accidentally use the same theme, which would have been sooper embarrassing. I can only take the emulation so far, as I cannot rock the bangs.
Incidentally, the only search terms that have led anyone to my blog are “otherwise madness.” I don’t know who to feel sorry for.